The Cherry Blossom Tree (One Ramadan) - An Excerpt from an "Untold Story"

The cherry tree was different from the rest in so many ways.  It was not too tall nor bulky, perhaps more on the smaller side.  Despite its size, it had flowered like the rest quite plumply.  The vivid dark pink colours stood out from the rest of the environment, the green green grass and other trees.  Parts of the pink shades had darker and lighter ones, all contributed to its harmonious beauty ready to fill the hearts of the eyes of the beholder.  

But the most striking phenomenon was not all these.  There must be other cherry blossoms in town with more enchanting characteristics. Many things in life are beautiful, but only some touches your core. This tree was one of those trees which makes one stop and contemplate.  It was full and dense, yet there was a branch or two full of flowers which sprouted out from its main shape making it to look like an overflowing heart.  

I never considered that a heart may overflow with joy, with love, with hope, that its very container will never be enough to contain what is within -that is - until I met you.  How special you are. How you had seemed ordinarily beautiful at first but gradually completely captivates my being.  You had captured my heart not from the beginning, but in the end and until I don’t know when.  You are the only one who never gave up on me.  If only things were different, I would tear away these walls between us.  Perhaps one day you will feel what I feel, the feeling of adoring without ever being able to hold one close.

I know these words won’t probably change anything between us, but nowadays I feel like time is running out, and I don’t want to ever regret of never letting you know how precious you are to me.

And I still pray for you.

 

"I am... Okay."

When I drew this picture, I didn't know why I had chosen the colourful background in contrast to the solid blackness of the image. All I wanted is for the person to stand out. Now I realize that I actually needed to see some colours, and light, despite the darkness which had enveloped the person.  

At the moment of pain, no matter how much colours we are surrounded with, all we see is black.  Solid black..  We forget that even rain has color and fragrance, and even rainbows.  The feelings are just too overwhelming.

*I wish saying 'hi' to you wasn't so hard to do.

 

About Walking

"I love walking!" I said proudly one day to a friend. Fethi Paşa used to be a habit I would brag about, a safe haven where I could be myself, where the walls simple would dissapear at my presence. 

It's been more than 2 months since I last visited this place, since that day I lost the sense of flexing one of my legs properly. Or the sense of how to walk downhill without my heart racing, afraid of a three second slip which changes life's perspective, perhaps, forever.

 

I never realized just how deep my love was for this place and for this blessing that God gave me; the ability to walk without thinking. Perhaps I needed that break. Perhaps getting used to something is not exactly something to be proud of.

Because today, when I finally reached the same favorite spot again, it was as if a newly discovered treasure unfolded in front of my eyes. I loved everything about it, including the new struggle I had to endure to get there.  Every step was so valuable I would not trade it for the world.

Dear You (an excerpt from "An Untold Story")

"I had told you one day, in between our casual conversations about soulmates, that there will be a time in ourlives what we may call as a true 'euphoria'.  A moment that we will be delighted to share to our grandchildren in the future.  I told you that our meeting, amongst the gazillion stars and galaxies around us,definitely had striked a cord in me as one of those precious moments.  I had cherished every second we shared our thoughts, our very different yet similar lives.  

I had told you also, at another euphoric moment, that there would be people who we would bump into through out our journey who would reinvigorate our hearts like never before.  And that the most painful realization  with that unplanned felicity is the fact that they would not be the persons who we will spend the rest of our lives with.  I had told you about him, that day, where you replied, "Yes, things happen, we are indeed weak..."

Dearest, it just dawned on me today, after moons have seperated us, that you are one of them.  And I am not sure if this torture of not being able to simply say I miss you terribly, is a weakness from my part, or simply a decree to which I have to submit, willingly... or unwillingly.

(Where ever you may be, till this moment, I still pray for you.)"

Virtual Attachments

We are so weak that we have intentionally attached ourselves to social messaging apps.  We attach our very soul to it, that when the communication stops from one side, it can literally hurt us for days.  Is the human heart that weak that we depend so much on our interractions to others?  That we need to be noticed, to be appreciated, in order to feel happy and fulfilled?  

What a rough night, what a rough week, it has been.  

سأصبر...

سأصبر حتى يعجز الصبر عن صبري 
سأصبر حتى ينظر الرحمن في أمري
سأصبر حتى يعلم الصبر
أني صبرت على شئٍ أمرّ من الصبر

علي بن أبي طالب.

There is always a story...

...behind every face, behind every tear, behind every leaf which falls ever so gently on the soft autumn earth.  And with each breath, there is a story about to unfold.